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Dear Clients and friends of Cain, Cain & Janik,
The season of giving is a perfect time to reflect on the things we are really giving our families and our loved ones. Cain, Cain & Janik has helped you develop an estate plan that lets you give "what you want, to who you want, when you want". Of course, when you think of your estate plan, you think of your real property, your accounts, your personal property, etc. I want to talk about something more valuable: your traditions and rituals. A tradition is something we do again and again that gives meaning to our lives. It is something that adults teach their children, who then grow up and teach it to their children; traditions connect us to a shared heritage with our family, friends, and community. Traditions help anchor and ground us, helping us feel more balanced and stable amid the whirlwind and chaos of our lives.
Marty and I were blessed to grow up with parents that valued family. Each Christmas Eve, Marty, Stephen, Brooks and I, spend the day in Anadarko with Marty's parents and his sister and her family. We spend the day visiting, opening gifts, and having a wonderful meal together. Each year, we attend the same beautiful candlelight Christmas Eve service at Marty's family's church, with the same family friends, with the same soloist, who sings the same Christmas Carol, O Holy Night. This tradition never changes. It never gets old. It gives my family comfort that things can stay the same.
Traditions adapt to the times, too. When our children were younger, Christmas Eve had me working like an elf in Santa’s workshop. I would cook, prepare for our guests, and make the last minute Christmas magic happen. Now that our boys are older (and yes, I'm a little older, too) these same Christmas Day preparations have become our family tradition.
When we walk in the door from Anadarko, Marty starts the Christmas music. We pull out the crystal champagne flutes, open a bottle of sparkling wine, and toast to our family and the families we come from. Stephen browns the sausage for the "traditional" Christmas breakfast casserole (my mom’s recipe is included in this newsletter. Stephen saw the addition of green chilies as a huge break with tradition. I’ll let you decide!). The extra leaf goes in the formal dining room table, which Brooks sets with a festive tablecloth, cloth napkins, china, and crystal. Marty gets out the crock-pot for the steel-cut oats that will cook overnight. I prepare the pecans, turbinado sugar, fresh strawberries, and cream, which perfectly accompany the steel-cut oats (a tradition I brought back from a December trip to New York with girlfriends). Each year, our traditional preparations result in a lovely Christmas breakfast with my Dad and Nadine and a beautiful candlelit Christmas dinner with my mom and siblings.
Stephen and Brooks have learned that family is important and that traditions are a way of communicating love for one another. They have learned that sharing a meaningful meal together (that we have all had a part in preparing) is a ritual worth repeating. I learned this lesson from my grandmother, who served us beautiful meals despite her fixed income. Yes, paper plates in the breakfast room would be easier, and paper napkins would mean less laundry… but traditions aren’t always the easiest. I hope my boys learn that you never outgrow the need for tradition, just like I did.
Holiday cheers,
Tammy Cain
Family conversations
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Every fall, we see families settle back into familiar routines. Calendars fill up, school supplies appear, and there is a renewed focus on growth, responsibility, and learning.
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Family conversations
Every August, Back to School season brings about the same thoughts. Parents are buying school supplies, filling out forms, packing lunches, and trying to figure out how summer disappeared so quickly.
·6 min readThe workbook helps you clarify what you want your plan to accomplish, identify possible gaps, prepare the right people, and decide what to do next, whether this is your first revocable living trust-based estate plan or you are reviewing an old one.
Separately, you can subscribe to A Matter of Trust, a weekly newsletter from Tamara featuring practical estate-planning guidance, thoughtful reflections on family and legacy, and other estate planning ideas worth passing along. Sign up for one or both.
Estate planning is a process, not an event. Start with a Right Fit Call: a short, no-pressure conversation to see whether we are the right firm for your family, and what a plan that walks alongside you would look like.
